I was never a "morning person" As a young person I felt that mornings were for sleeping in. I deeply cherished my nights. I believed that I was a person who couldn't quite function in the morning. I stayed up late throughout high school and college and before I knew it, I had a decade or more of conditioning around being a "night owl".
Then, I did my yoga teacher's training program. There I had to be up as early as 4 or 5 am for classes. That's when I noticed the power of early mornings.
A morning practice can be rejuvenating and powerful. A morning sadhana hits differently. Possibly because it falls within the "sacred hour: known as Bhrahma Murtha / brahma's hour, a time for stillness, solitude and sattva. I felt deep shifts in my energy, vitality and awareness with a morning sadhana. This peaceful start to the day was a powerful change to my lifestyle, - one i intended to keep forever.
Yet, after my training I still struggled to rise and still I loved my sleep and my cozy bed. There was a battle within: one of recognizing the joy of a morning practice and another that recognized a need I had to be up late.
Instead of fighting with myself, I explored my needs more deeply.
I recognized that what I loved about late nights was the quiet and the alone time to sit and think and create. It was so peaceful at night. With the darkness of nighttime, I was free to be creative with my art or study. It was also oddly restful at the end of the day to stay up and be with myself. Nighttime was a time to retreat away from activity and input and to withdraw.
I had a need. That need was quiet alone time. My personal creativity and freedom came from quiet spaces. I craved those times and sought them out at night.
I also realized that I was feeling shame about being a night person. The world tells us that being a morning person is somehow "better", right? I internalized that shame and for many years I tried to force myself to wake up in the mornings. Even after I saw how beautiful and necessary a morning practice was for my health, peace of mind and awakening journey, I struggled to stick with it.
It's so easy to dismiss our needs or to shame ourselves for the things that we do. But what if we explored the wisdom in our choices instead of shaming them? So I explored my need to stay up late and through that exploration, I learned that there was beauty in my nights...
Recognition
Rather than feel shame about being a night person, I recognized my needs and pulled in what I loved about nights into my mornings: solitude, stillness, freedom. These things meant something to me and I wanted to keep them - and so I did.
My mornings became about acts of recognition: the quiet power of my yoga practice was reinforced as an act of radical self-love, that it was not something that I was doing rather something I was being. Then I added little reflection time - drinking a hot cup of chai alone, silently sitting outside feeling the morning sun warming my skin. Those parts filled me up and made my mornings much more complete.
The recognition of waking up for my self-connection, joy and happiness rather than because it was "the right thing to do" was what I needed.
Over time, the desire to stay up late fell away. Now I crave my mornings. I see it as a time of recognition, love and connection. Discipline as a principal is now about making choices that align with self love and recognition, rather that the strict enforcing of behavioral changes that are challenging and painful to keep.
These days my mornings are about a gentle yoga and meditation practice followed by solitude by taking in a little sun either outside or by the window with a warm beverage... pure bliss.
Xo Aarti
With gratitude to my parents, elders and lineage yoga teachers as well as my mentor, David Bedrick from whom I learned unshaming techniques.
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